Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
