They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
