I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
