I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
