I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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