is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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