Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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