I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
