hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
