JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're breaking my sexual little heart
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
