Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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