Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
