i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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