I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
