There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
