His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
