Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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