oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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