found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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