whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
