bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
