True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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