youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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