Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
