i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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