All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
