i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
