dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
