Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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