Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
