sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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