Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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