if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
