Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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