Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Let's get the cat blown out
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
