This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
