My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
