is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I pour the whiskey from now on
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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