This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
