just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
