i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
