Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
