your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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