Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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