She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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