Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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