I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
