She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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