Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
