carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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