there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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