I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
