so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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