Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
