ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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