I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
