Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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