I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
