hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
