people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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