Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You are the jesus of drinking
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
