I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
