can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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