ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
