He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
