I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
