so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
